Paige is growing and growing. She moves around so much. I picture her playing and laughing, resting and relaxing, waiting patiently, enjoying the warmth and security of us being so close. Sometimes I think she is trying to get my attention when she kicks hard or pushes an elbow or foot out. I love when she does this as it reminds me to rub my belly and talk to her.
I'm going through a difficult transition at work, one that is challenging me to trust in myself and to lead with my heart. I'm in a situation that I know I need to leave, but it's so hard to step into something else - something unknown.
I'm learning to trust what I'm going through, to stop trying to see too far ahead, and to let go. I'm learning to relax my hold on specific outcomes and to calmly sit back and watch the course of events unfold. This mindset has been increasingly challenging for me but each day I get better. I'm learning to say I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. It is a true test of faith. I read this the other day:
"They say every time a door closes another door opens. But the hallways are a bitch!"
Paige is right here with me during this struggle. She gently reminds me of her presence and support - not really understanding my struggle, but comforting me anyway...hugging me from the inside. She, like Tanner and Jeff, will always be my truest and deepest friends.
I have this written in my journal and have been reading it each night before bed:
During this struggle, I pray that I can be gentle with myself and with others. May I make others feel special and loved. May this struggle be short and come with growth and love of the profound kind. May I find peace in my thoughts so that I can gently go through this without harming myself or others. May I always remember to believe in myself and in the love others have for me. May I see myself in what appears to be my enemies. May I find my purpose and the people that will help me achieve that purpose. May I find a lifetime of joy as I live out that purpose - one moment at a time.
2 comments:
Hey Cindy, I'm thinking of you and this time you are going through. Even though I don't know the details, I know from the many conversations and times I've asked for your help and guidance that you will come out on top of what it is you are defeating and that you will be much stronger, wiser, and well rounded because of it. You are very gifted in the way you are able to see viewpoints from many sides of a situation and I believe you are one of the most well-rounded people I know so take that for whatever it's worth and trust in yourself to follow your heart. You've probably done way more analysis than you imagine so it's time to let your heart take over.
Wade and I think of you guys and talk about you guys daily. Can't wait to see you sometime in the near future and meet Paige, and for the first time Tanner as a big brother!
I love you and know that this current challenge has been set for you so that you can gain an amazing life experience and I support you all the way. Can't wait to chat more in person soon.
Love,
Alexis
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